I am not a pervert

Its peak winters in Delhi. I enter Select City Walk, and I am treated with dulcet sights. Pretty faces all around, wearing layers of clothing above waist and a hot pant below! I exclaim to myself, ‘Welcome to Delhi’.

It’s not a very rare scenario that we are treated with such sights everywhere around the so called ‘Modern India’. Even in Manipal, it is no surprise to find girls scantily dressed on a Saturday night. I don’t judge them, nor do I mind people in minimal clothes, hell! Walk nude for all I care; but I do mind people judging an ogling eye.

Females label us as ‘Perverts’ for staring at them. Are we really at fault? Now, before I am chastised for the statement let me put forward a few points. It is normal human tendency to seek attention and looks take the top shelf in achieving the same for many. So when a girl goes out in cleavage exposing attire, understandably she wants to be noticed. It is natural for a human to dress in a way that he/she would be noticed most. There is no shame in accepting that. To stretch the fact more, males are genetically designed to look. We are animals who have turned social and our primal instincts forces us to take notice of the opposite sex!

270209_460542207328104_489163073_nRape is sick. There is no logical train of thoughts involved. So when the government asks you to cover up, maybe they are right. When I told my fellow workers in the internship, (typical Marathi families) about the Manipal rape, the first comment was, “what the hell was she doing out at 11?” The comment was followed by another who said that while he visited Delhi with his wife, his wife exclaimed looking at a typically dressed young woman, “No wonder rapes happen in this place.”

The female of every species has the right to choose; but then that choice is always subjected to a formal test. The winner of the battle becomes the alpha Lion, the one with most dung gets to nest with the female dung beetle. Humans desire freedom from such rules. We wish to have that choice. What we ignore, is that we do not belong to the idealistic society that has accepted this level of freedom. It is believed that by such presentation the woman means that she is ‘available’.  We understand that she is scoping.

‘I believe girls should understand that instead of preaching that “we want to be free”, and flaunting their freedom in ridiculous ways they might as well as just take the basic precautions and not wear clothes that show ridiculously too much.  A girl can look pretty without wearing something glaringly less than knee level. We spend too much of our time comparing with other countries; but the facts remain, that social stigma here is different; the way people are, is different. The comparing is taking us nowhere. What actually happens is USA – hell lot of premarital sex, during parties and stuff. The men there are more groomed into the fact that sex is a part of their life. Here we try to pretend it isn’t. Try to deny it. Families train children to think sex as a post martial affair; and hence a large population of men curious and unsure.’

-Girish Kumar

 Maybe I am a narrow minded person deluded in a belief to defend my perversions, or maybe it’s a time of change that is causing turbulence in the society. Whatever be it, it is wrong in claiming something as stable as a man’s attraction to a woman to be faulty. So yeah, if I look down upon you (pun intended) do not complain. It is natural and you probably are just being socially sophisticated in denying your approval for same.


21 thoughts on “I am not a pervert

    • I understand the aversion to the article, hence I normally term it as the ‘Ugly Truth’. It sounds wrong, but tell me facts to support your views, and then maybe I’d concede.

      • Perversions of man, especially at teenage and youth are quite common.Trouble starts when that perversion reaches to the next level. Ogling at a scantily clad women doesnt make you a pervert. That’s human behavior and part of our characteristics as humans.
        The degree to which we perceive someone to be perverted depends on our understanding of what is right and what is wrong.

    • Pervert or not, you are smart. A lot smarter than an average Maulvi or Khap panchayat is. So you start with ‘ogling’, which men being so hardwired by the creator that they can’t help it at the sight of a scantily dressed woman. Fair enough. Fact is, many girls would even enjoy being ogled, BUT only by the ‘Right’ pair of eyes and it’s their right to choose the ‘Right’ pair of eyes. And they let it know to everyone who ogles almost instantly. If you ever ogled and were fortunate or unfortunate to meet the eyes of the one you ogled you know what I mean. The problem is that some of you oglers have a look that could kill (read f***)! You should know where the line is. The same guy who gave you a pair of eyes gave you a brain as well. If it is not as searching as your eyes are, then you are the problem not the girl. You make ogling appear so natural, so innocent that it almost appears heavenly. And that’s the crux. All that can equally be said in making ‘Rape’ look like an inevitable outcome of the deadly cocktail of scantily dressed women and helpless men born with a preordained destiny of having to live with a state of permanent erection.
      No one would give a hoot whether you are pervert or not as long as you don’t take it on a girl who is showing off more than that your threshold permits. Her ‘dress’ is not a ‘Yes’. And even if it is, it’s only for the chosen one. If you are not the lucky one, visit the nearest toilet and masturbate yourself.

      • Sir, we have the same point here. I am just saying that in some cases, these signals can be misinterpreted by the wrong person (not the chosen one). I’d wish my friends to be as safe as possible even if it means not going out alone wearing skimpy clothes.

  1. I have similar thoughts and have very often had arguments with people.
    I compare the sexually open behavior of women to eating really delicious and good-smelling food deliberately in front of people who never get to eat. Call us men hungry or desperate, but that is the real truth. People here are extremely sex-starved because of the long-existing social fencing. In some cases, add illiteracy and lack of family ethics to that, and you have got a rapist.
    I understand the whole feminist POV about being 100 per cent liberal to women, but it’s plain stupid to expect so much whilst completely disregarding the ground reality. Even as a man, I may not dare to walk alone on an empty street in the middle of the night (in some parts of the world). It is comparable to locking out houses when we go out, instead of leaving them wide open and blaming the society in case of a theft.
    I reckon that the ‘modern’ woman of India is extremely inclined to dispose clothing, while at the same time expecting that all men treat them like sisters or mothers. Well, maybe one day evolution will take a strange turn and men may be born sans sexual urges and penises. But till then, my dear modern women, please be wary. Suit yourself to your surroundings, not to some idealistic pro-feminist society. In this respect, some points (not all) of the Sharia, although stringent, make sense to me.
    To conclude, it all really boils down to being well-grounded. Tomorrow, the West may roam around naked on their streets . Then are we going to blindly copy that too? Are we equipped with the societal structure or open-mindedness to cope with it?

    P.s. Great article by the way. We need to slap this in the face of those women’s rights activists who walked the slut walk. 😉

  2. Well, can we all be honest with ourselves, just for once. A hot bod in hot pants or hot shorts certainly gets attention: hot shorts through sneaky, veiled eyes and hot pants , well .. are ogled at.Pray, tell me, hasn’t a low neckline or a mini, or something as mundane as the slipping of a dupatta warranted unwanted attention. The article categorically deplores rape. It ,however does endeavour to state that our society needs a revolution when it would need more than skimpy outfits to trigger the hormones- say, love or mutual respect/ consent…since most of the time the discussion on rape is diverted towards sartorial reasons, the article is a suggestion and not an advisory on safety till the time we have matured.

  3. A lot that crosses my mind too! I always felt that men were wired to search for more attractive women and women try their best to look attractive to attract men. I love the comment by Girish, we are trying to copy fashion, food and lifestyles according to western mindsets but we are not ready especially because of the lack of open mindedness and various culturally different views.

      • Morality is NOT decided by sartorial choices boy! A man’s attraction is understandable,its only human. Despite our core being carnal,what separates us from animals? We’re civilised. Oh and staring is considered rude, universally.

        • The article didn’t justify ogling to great extent. It tried to say that a person that wants to attract attention, gets it; and it shouldn’t be a problem. And regarding we being more civilised thatn animals; our actions make us civilised not our feelings. We feel like animals and sexuality is one feature that hasn’t changed in this regard.

  4. A man is expected to be ethical, emotionally present, and accountable to his values in his actions. So when one stares at a lady after ‘feeling’ attracted towards her, its construed as a part of ACTION not ‘thought’ ‘feeling’ or ‘primal instinct’.

  5. Your article, apart from being grammatically questionable is also morally repugnant. It is even more unfortunate, that as a seemingly educated person who lives and studies in Manipal, you think this way. What can be done of all the other less-than-literate scum who believe rape is their birthright?

    • I have said it before and I’d say it now, the article does not justify rape. It does however gives you a different view on a man’s psyche. You can read the earlier comments if you want to know what I am talking about. Regarding the grammar, I’d be happy to make the changes you suggest.

  6. I happen to read your blogs and follow them…i think this blog is pretty justified….modesty lies in the hands of the woman…i’m a woman and i dont find it hard to look decent in my un-revealing clothes…i still get stares at the station while waiting for my train…but it becomes easy to ignore when you know your not wrong and you feel much more confident…

  7. Pingback: Are we ready for women empowerment? MIT (arguably the most modern college) proves otherwise!!! | Subtle Words by Prannay Jha

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